so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
