Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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