just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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