my sisters under your porch take her home
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize