Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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