I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
