from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize