I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
