did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I need to stop coming to work sober
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
