i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
