Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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