I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
