rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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