At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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