Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
