You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
