1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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