I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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