The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
