Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
