I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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