Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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