The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
