he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Alive.
So much puke
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
