you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
