i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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