So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
