dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
