She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
