My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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