I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
