Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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