That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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