What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
