things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
