You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
