She went from zero to smokin in five shots
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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