i think my mom watched the whole time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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