we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
