I feel great
I just peed on a car
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
