I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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