i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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