Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
