maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
porn star boner night. come get it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
