I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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