Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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