if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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