Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
