i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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