I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
