the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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