I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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