He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
