the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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