we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't notice because vodka
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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