I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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