You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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