Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
