i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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