Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize