In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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