the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They took my balls.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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