I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
