I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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