Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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