i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
