If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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