I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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