she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize