I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
