for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
